I Lay it at His Feet

This is hard for me to write because my emotions are all over the place and hubby is still not home... as I have to admit, I am really just hanging on by a thin thread.  

Its been hard enough being an emotional, nauseous, throwing up, dizzy, tired mess.  But now this.

I am horrible at details and retaining medical information so I am going to do my best here... you may see lots of external links, that might be more for my benefit then yours!

I went to my first OB check up today and we wanted to find out my exact due date.  Since I was kinda sketchy on exact days of things my Dr. decided to do an ultrasound.

There were these long, long pauses and it seemed she wasn't seeing what she wanted to see. So she decided to do a (sorry if this is gross) vaginal ultrasound.

The baby was moving all over and perfect with a wonderful heart beat and two arms and legs and big ole' head.  I kept looking at him. He was beautiful!  (sex yet to be determined)

She kept looking at something else.

She says, "I am going to recommend you see a specialist. I'm not comfortable with your cervical length."

Then she said, "This could be a high risk pregnancy.  The specialist can explain everything better and give you all your options."

Apparently I have a shortened cervix.  Normally it should measure between 3cm and 5cm.

Mine is 1.2cm.

I have to go see a perinatologist.  They might have to put a stitch in, or a cervical cerclage.  A stitch in itself is quite controversial and not always successful.

I am just going to copy and paste some info here.  I found it at babycentre.co.uk.

A vaginal scan is the best way to measure your cervix because it can be seen much more clearly this way. The cervix looks like a tube on the scan, between 3cm and 5cm long, with one end at the top of the vagina (the external os), and the other end inside the uterus (the internal os). It is the internal os that can begin to open first, and this will look like a V shape on the scan. As the os opens further it becomes U shaped. This is called funnelling. If the closed part of the cervix measures less than 2.5cm, a stitch will be put in to stop the cervix opening further. 

The risk is that if you have a shortened cervix, you can go into premature labor or lose the pregnancy.

They have me on progesterone which helps to relax the muscles so that I can hopefully avoid contractions.  I might need to be on full bed rest. 

I have to say, this has been to most diverse pregnancy I have ever had... and getting this info. certainly gives me some insight as to why.

Chad is still out of town.  I am still feeling sick (hopefully that will pass soon!!!) and now I am just so overwhelmed and upset, I just sit here crying. 

I know I need to calm down and stop sobbing and realize that God has me here for a reason, and that I need to trust in Him.  Like, truly trust in Him.  

Thank you so much for your prayers and well wishes... they are much appreciated!  You know how strongly I believe in the power of prayer!

Comments

[cintia]

I will pray for you and baby.
strength.
everything will be alright.

[Anna]

I am so sorry you have to go through this and without your husband near. I have faith that you and the precious baby will be ok and please know that you are in our prayers.

[Belinda]

Sending all the positive energy I have your way. Trust, believe and know that you and your precious child can push through anything together.

[digital_cupcake]

Hang in there! I am in the 25th week of my first pregnancy and I understand your concern. I have other issues that make my pregnancy high risk - diabetes and my advanced age (37). These are the times when you realize that you don't have ultimate control over your health, body or future... and your faith in God will sustain you. Hang in there!

[Kristen]

Will be Praying so much for you!

[Margaret in Minnesota]

I will pray for you, Amanda. Having had four miscarriages--and this is NOT to scare you--I can honestly say that, it is ALL you can do to lay it at His feet.

Truly.

Love to your family,

Margaret

[pam]

sobbing with you and after several complicated pregnancies and 2 preemies I so understand, I will say I have had several friend get the stitch (shoot I know the word for it) and it has been wonderful. On another note my water broke at 26 weeks with my last and I laid flat on my back for 5 weeks until she was born. i thought my family would be scared for life but guess what they hardly remember it

[Debbie @TheHipHostess]

Sending good positive thoughts, and my prayers your way. You are a strong lady, and you will get through this.

[Becki D]

I'm praying for you, Manda! Hang in there - God is good, and with Him you can handle this. In the meantime, try to stay calm and focus on the family around you. Love ya, lady!

[bridget {bake at 350}]

First....we're with you...and baby. You know that, right? Day or night, ONE of us will be here.

Two...you're right, trust.

Three....STOP googling. Yes, I'm older and bossy.

Four...kiddo was born 10 weeks early. 2 pounds 13 ounces. He's a perfectly fine, healthy, pushing-his-mother's-buttons 11-year-old. They work MIRACLES with preemies these days. (And "these days" was 11 years ago.)

Five....I am keeping you an baby in my prayers. And I know there are LOTS of us out here sending you good and healthy thoughts. Wish I could give you a {{hug}}. ♥

[darcie]

thinking of you - xoxo

[Stephanie]

Sending prayers your way! I had a thinning cervix with our Mathias and had cervical ultrasounds week after week. Eventually at 30 weeks I was put on full bed rest and at 38 weeks he was born and perfect. I know how scary it is ... but rest assured that you are being prayed for and prayer is a mighty mighty thing.

God Bless.

~Stephanie

[Renee]

Amanda, big hugs. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you don't have to be on bedrest I wish you were closer, so I could help you out more.

Silly question...did your cervix shrink? Did you not have this problem with your other pregnancys? Or did they just not notice it then?

[Kate]

You and Baby are in my prayers.

I love you.

[Christina]

I am praying for you and that precious baby of yours.
I know what it's like to be worried during a pregnancy and I had to be on progesterone with my last 2 pregnancies. I just pray peace over you and your whole family.
Blessings to you.

[Queen Mommy]

Amanda, I'm not sure how far along you are. I was diagnosed with a shortened cervix at 20 weeks when I was pregnant with my twins. At that point, I can't remember exactly how short my cervix was, but it was short enough that the doctor put me on bedrest, but not so short that he gave me specific instructions (this was the perinatologist too). I also had weekly check-ups from that point on. I kept myself on moderate to strict bedrest because if I stood up to wash dishes, I'd have contractions for the next hour or more! When they diagnosed me, I was too far along for a cerclage, but I do know many women who've had great success. I also know that bedrest can work. It did for me. I won't say it was easy, but I did carry the girls to 33-3/7, which is actually pretty good for twins. Whatever happens, I will pray for you, and please know that you can contact me anytime, on FB or via email. If I can help in any way, please let me know. I remember how scary it all looks and sounds, especially when you're still processing everything. HUGS!

[tracie]

I am so sorry to hear this Amanda. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[jes]

i have the same question as Renee. maybe i'm just really clueless about anatomy but...can cervix size change based on the pregnancy? wouldn't this have been an issue with your other children, too?

[Amanda Rettke]

Jes and Renee- I said the exact same thing when my Dr. told me.  I guess your cervix changes with each pregnancy and with each type of pregnancy... twins, preemie, mis-carriage... they all affect things.  I am still learning about this and hope to learn even more from the specialist!

[miranda]

I am praying for you and your family and this new little baby. God will be taking care of you and you are totally in his hands. <3

[Maggie]

It's OK to cry. Tears aren't a sign that you're not trusting God. Big hugs and prayers to you!

[Cindy]

So sorry to hear about this... you are in my thoughts!

[Lindsay]

Well you certainly have every right to feel like you're on a hormonal roller-coaster, because YOU ARE! Heck, even a toothpaste ad can make me cry these days - so I can imagine how you're feeling. Like you said - God knew this was going to happen, he knew you'd find out sans hubby being home, he knows what's going to happen - try to hang tight to that.In the meantime - ask for help - people are always more willing to help that we give them credit for - smelly laundry and dirty toilets included! Thankfully this was caught early so you can at least feel like you're doing SOMETHING to help the situation...but don't ever feel like it's your fault.

Mothers' intuition - a funny thing, huh? Don't ignore it!

Hang in there lady.Praying for you.

[Judith Norman]

God bless you and yours.

[Molly]

Oh dear friend, you are in my thoughts. I know it is impossible to really do, but try to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and take it as it comes. I am here if you need me.

[ElizaBeth]

OH, my sweet Amanda! I am praying for you and your baby. Vaginal ultrasounds suck! (There is no nice way to say it. I had like 15 of them with #3.) I know that this took you by surprise, but not God. It feels so overwhelming to hear something like this and know you have no control over it. But God does. He loves you and this little baby growing inside of you. He can and will see you through this. Father, creator and giver of life. I lift Amanda and her baby up to you. I thank you for the health of her child and for the revelation of the extra care needed in this pregnancy. Give her Your Peace and keep them both safe. You know what they need and I ask that it is made clear. Ask for wisdom for the doctors and all those involved in her care. Please provide an abundance of love and care for her and her family as they go through this new journey together. I ask this all in Jesus Name, Amen.

[janis]

Praying for you and your family! So wish I lived closer so I could be of more help! Please let me know if I can do anything - it's not that far of a drive! :) And I am so willing!!!

Janis

[Londa]

Oh Amanda, I am so sorry! A friend just shared this Psalm with me...

Psalm 8

1 O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth! Your glory is higher than the heavens.
***2 You have taught children and infants
to tell of your strength, silencing your enemies and all who oppose you.***
3 When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers— the moon and the stars you set in place—
4 what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?
5 Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor.
6 You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority—
7 the flocks and the herds and all the wild animals,
8 the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea,
and everything that swims the ocean currents.
9 O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!

Amanda, I'm praying that this baby will be one to tell of our Mighty God's strength and power! Trusting God for protection and a miracle! Love you, dear friend!

[Paula]

You know that you and yours are in my prayers and will remain so. I hope that your appointment with the perinatologist comes up very soon and that you will be given the next steps to follow and hopefully some peace of mind.
So many people are thinking of you, praying for you and giving you virtual comforting hugs and soon your hubs will be home to dry your tears, calm your fears and hold you tight. God loves you Amanda.

[mikeandkatie1]

I've had couple of friends who have benefitted from a cerclage. I'll be praying for your babe and your medical team. I'm glad to hear the baby looks good!

[Michelle]

Oh sweety. I know you are scared, but God says "Do not fear, I AM WITH YOU!" You and that precious babe will be just fine. Now believe that and prepare for your new little one. I'm praying for your peace tonight.

[Ria]

Thinking of you and praying for you and your family!

[Debbie]

I'm so sorry to hear of your news. But, if it's any form of encouragement, I had 4 healthy babies after having cervical cerclages each time. Usually a stitch is put in at around 14 weeks. Praying for God's strength and peace for you and protection for your little one.

[Kari]

Amanda - Hugs to you! I'm praying for you. I've had difficult pregnancies and know how hard it can be. I really wrestled with laying everything at Christ's feet... He was there and He took care of me and of my family and of my unborn children, whether they lived (some did) or went Home (one did). He's got you in the palm of His hand.

Blessings to you. Praying for peace. Kari

[Lorie]

Oh Amanda! I am so sorry that you got this news when you are still not feeling well and your husband is out of town. It makes it that much harder to take.

I do want to tell you that I have a very good friend that had this same condition with all of her pregnancies. She had her cervix stitched each time and has 4 wonderful beautiful children.

Try to rest and be strong and know that there are lots and lots of prayers being said for you.

[Diane {createdbydiane.blogspot.com}]

Thoughts and prayers are with you. Wish I lived nearby, I'd come right over and insist in helping you in anyway I could!

[scatterbrain]

Amanda, I am praying for you. You are at the right place - at his feet. Rest there. I always think of my daughter when she is sick, she just wants to climb onto me and just rest there. God wants you to do that too. Hw wants you to just lie there, rest and know in your heart that his everlasting arms are ever beneath you.

God knows best. And god will guide.

[denise]

amanda i'm so praying for you right now. i didn't read through all the comments but i'm sure you are getting some great practical advice, too...if not, i'm very connected to a lot of natural types who believe there are a lot of non-invasive ways to help this condition and that it often works itself out...i can look into it for you if you'd like but still so scary!!! showering you with love and prayers...

[Joy Ellis]

I am wrapping my arms around you and hugging you right now. I am sending up prayers to the Great Physician and asking him to give you peace and understanding of everything that is going on. You are in the hands of our wonderful God and all will be okay. Just know we love ya and will be praying for you!!

[Jessica @ How Sweet]

Hang in there Amanda - praying for you!

[Christy]

I feel like a horrible, awful friend. One CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so thrilled for you and Chad and the kids!!! I'm praying for this baby and that she or he is all part of GOD's precious plan for your family.
"Lord we thank you so much for this miracle that's growing inside of Amanda. Thank you for trusting that any bumps in the road are ones that Amanda and Chad can handle. You have entrusted this child in her womb at this time for a purpose. Father, I pray for a peace that is beyond our understanding to wash over Amanda right at this moment. I pray that you will give the drs the knowledge and wisdom on how to handle the cervix issue and that you will continue to whisper into Amanda's ear "I AM HERE". Thank you Lord for such a miracle as this. Each child that you place in this world is a blessing from you. I pray that if it's in your will an ease in the morning sickness, dizziness, etc for Amanda. I pray for a good hunt for Chad. I pray for unexplained good behavior from the other kids while Amanda's dealing with morning sickness and parenting on her own for this short time. We praise you GOD ALMIGHTY. We THANK YOU for the blessings in our lives. We thank you that although we don't deserve it, you give us mercy and salvation. In Your Holy Name. Amen"

[Kim @ Homesteader's Heart]

I know you've already got tons of words of encouragement but I'm putting my 1 cent in. This was no surprise to the Lord and He knows every detail of this pregnancy so just rest in that fact. Things don't always turn out as WE expect but we have to put our trust in He who isn't taken by surprise.
Just rest in Him my friend. Let Him wrap his loving arms around you and just rest.
I'm praying for you and the sweet unborn.
HUGS
Kim

[Kristin Smith]

Amanda
I am praying for you this morning and asking that God cover you with His peace. We don't/can't understand why it is He allows us to be in difficult places - so we need to press into Him and seek refuge where only He can give. If I were closer I would come and give you a BIG hug. But for now I am loving you from here and praying for you and for your sweet baby.
Kristin

[Gianna]

Amanda!
First thing is first: Praise that your baby is healthy and happily obliviously floating around in his happy home! YEA! Thank you Jesus!
Secondly: It's such a blessing that we live in an age where we can know this and prevent it as much as possible. Think of all the pictures of your baby you will be able to have this time.
Finally: You are in the Lord Jesus' hands and He loves you and your baby more than anyone in the WORLD! Praise!

There is so much to be thankful for. I WILL pray for you because it is scary. I love you, friend.

God, You are in control and you knew about Amanda's little cervix and what that means during this pregnancy. I pray that she can hold on to you. I pray that she will feel your presence as she is scared. Thank you for always hearing us when we pray and for loving us. Thank you for your faithfulness and kindness. Give Amanda peace and surround her with your children for support!
Amen!

[Kristin]

Don't really have words to say except that I'm praying for you. He is able.

[themanager]

amanda, i will be praying for you. i have had very difficult pregnancies and i know the fear, pain and no sense of control you are feeling. i hope they can give you some answers soon.

[Renee (Kudos Kitchen)]

Sending you big hugs Amanda. You and the baby have so many people praying for you. Keep the faith and everything will turn out fine. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

[TidyMom]

Oh sweetie.....just look at ALL of the support and prayers you have!! What a tough time this is for you with your hubby gone.

I'm sending lots of positive energy and prayers your way.......I wish I lived closer to help! ♥

[Jessica H]

Hugs for you! I also had a shortened cervix with my twin pregnancy (among other complications), so if you need to vent I will listen!

Praying for you, your baby, and family.

[Sonya]

hang in there Amanda. I will be praying for you and your family and the baby. God can lengthen that cervix and you could have a full healthy report when you go to see the specialist! Just like your title says, lay it all at the feet of Jesus and put your faith and trust into him.

[Nellie]

Ohh, I know deep in my heart that everything will turn out just fine. The waiting and wondering is the hardest part. The internet can sometimes cause more anxiety than relief when trying to figure out medical conditions, terms, and treatments.

Amazing, Sweet, Wonderful Amanda - I will keep you, your little babe growing inside of you and your family in my prayers. May light, love, peace and joy settle upon you and renew your spirit with all things wonderful!

[cara]

I pray that the Lord will have healing and be able for you to do whatever you need to do so you and the baby are wonderful. We women go through and will do lots of things to protect our children and I am sure that the end result will be perfect

[Bethany]

I am praying for you and the baby!!

[Bethany]

I am praying for you and the baby!!

[carma]

praying for everybody. At least if you go on bed rest you will have lots of time for blogging ;-)

[susan]

I wish I could give you a big hug. For now, I will leave you with one of my all time favorite bible verses: Isaiah 26:3-4

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee. Trust ye in the Lord forever, for in the LORD Jehovah is everlasting strength."

Sorry, when I memorized it years ago I was a KJV sort of gal. But I hope you can read it clearly enough anyway.

Love you and praying for you, dear sister.

Blessings,
Susan

[Jenny]

Try not to worry until you see the specialist, please. Good luck. I am hoping for the best, and, speaking as another commenter who has had multiple miscarriages, I am SO GLAD you saw a beautiful, healthy baby in there. What a wonderful thing. Hang in there.

[Sarah]

praying for you x

[Michelle M.]

Oh, Amanda, I am so sorry you are going through all of this without your hubby by your side. He'll be home soon! Just keep resting and we'll be praying that your little one is safe and protected. Try not to worry (easier said than done, I know!), but just know that God is in control and He will see you through this. Sending you a big hug!

[The Lumberjack's Wife]

Praying for you! I had a similar event. God is good. I am so sorry and I hope your husband comes home soon.

[Beth]

Oh Amanda. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I bet its especially hard with your hubby away. You're such a good mommy (and baker too) and I pray that you feel God's hand in all of this. Lots of hugs!

[Amy K]

Amanda, God is definitely in control. As you know, you are already part of my daily prayers; however, early this morning I overwhelmingly felt led to pray for you, and did just that.
Tonight I was just going to stop by to tell you I've been thinking of you and praying for you, and I find your new post. Yes, the power of prayer.....beyond my comprehension. We are called to serve others, and He obviously was telling me that you were in need of prayers.
Humble servant on her knees on your behalf.
Blessings friend.....

[Anne]

I'm so sorry you are facing this and without your husband home to lean on. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and lean on God!

[aimee]

Praying for you and that sweet little baby!! I hope you are able to get some rest and some peace of mind, too....
Hugs,
Aimee

[Jana]

Oh you can be SURE I will continue to lift you up for healing and comfort and God's hand in this precious pregnancy. I know at the beginning of my pregnancy (BTW, Eli was born last Thurs!), I had some scares in which I also thought I might have to be on bed rest. I cried out to the Lord and also depended heavily on friends and it was fine...don't be afraid to ask for help. A good friend recently told me "People WANT to help...ASK!" You are a dear person and I know you'd have many a IRL friend there beside you.
HUGS.

[jen]

sending positive thoughts your way, sweetheart.
and a huge congratulations. a HUGE congratulations.
you are so blessed. xoxo.

[Molly]

You know I love you....and would be there in a heartbeat if you need anything!!! I will send prayers your way. And I think you're truly amazing!! Extra love and hugs to you and your family.

Molly

[Michelle Andrews]

My thoughts are with you, Amanda.

[Compare]

God will surely make a way and all our prayers will be heard. Our sincerest thoughts and prayers are with you. God will make a way!

[Ruth]

Oh my dear friend, I am praying for you right now!

[LindaSue Carter]

oh honey....you are in my prayers! We serve an AWESOME God, never forget that, and NOTHING is going to happen that He doesn't allow. He is the Great Physician, and the Miracle Worker. My niece, at 3 months gestation, had a whole in her brain and drs suggested abortion...NOT an option for my SIL and brother. Lots of prayers from all over the world, and baby Berea Hope was born perfectly healthy, two days after her due date. He has you both in His hands...you take it easy and let God do the rest, okay? I wish I lived closer; I'd take your kids for a play date, give you some quiet time. Clean your house, make you some meals. Amanda, please reach out and ask someone or someones to come in to do even the most simple things for you.... dishes, laundry, floors, bathroom....honey, you're loved. Don't deny someone a blessing in being able to help you, okay? Keep us updated.

Blessed be the name of the Lord. In all things, blessed be the name of our Lord!

[Mary]

You are in my prayers now and until your baby is born. Take Care Amanda!

[janmary, n ireland]

Praying for your cervix! - that's not something I usually pray about!!!

Hugs

[Mommy Cracked]

You certainly do have so much going on. I am praying right now for your baby's health and some relief for you. ((hugs))

[Paula]

Hey Amanda, I just wanted to let you know that while I know this is super scary, especially since you have not had this problem with previous pregnancies, this is a common problem. My cousin actually had this for both of her pregnancies and her sister had a less serious version as well. Unfortunately for my cousin they were unable to stitch her because it would not help her, but she still had two beautiful boys. They were premature, but they're fantastic and 100% healthy now. Just know that you are not alone in this and that everything happens for a reason.

Good luck and take it easy!

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1383896427]

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} Praying for you friend. :-)

[Amalia Standard]

I have been thinking so much about you lately. I know it is hard enough feeling pregnancy sickness let alone having to do it on your own without your hubby...and then this news. Oh my...just be assured that God is great and full of miracles and He knows your strength. You ARE a strong woman!...I am sending prayers and hugs your way. Try to take some time for yourself to relax....and let others take care of you....that's a hard thing for us mama's to do sometimes:) Feel better, friend!!!!

[Sue]

I will pray for you Amanda. Just remember, always, that God IS in control and mindful of you and your baby and that will bring you comfort an peace.

[Heather V]

I am so sorry about the news you received. Not sure if this will help...I had the same thing with my 2nd pregnancy, along with horrible morning sickness (so bad, my doctor had a PICC line placed in my arm to give me 2 liters of fluid and Zofran every day to keep me hydrated and try to keep the morning sickness at bay), preeclampsia/border-line eclampsia (I had a seizure on my transport to a bigger hospital) and HELLP Syndrome. Had I not had the preeclampsia/eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome, I would have made it to my due date with the stitched cervix. My daughter was 2 months early...today, she is a very happy, smart, sassy, very healthy 21 month old. Yyou would NEVER, in a million years, guess she was 2 months early and 4 pounds. I can also relate to being without the husband during pregnancy as well. My husband left me and my son for 10 weeks to go through POST (police academy) 2 hours away. I was 5 months pregnant at the time. He graduated on Dec. 11. I was admitted in the hospital on Dec 12, transferred 1.5 hours away the morning of Dec. 17 and had my daughter at 7:58pm that night. I truly believe Heavenly Father made sure my husband was home before I got really super sick and had to be transferred for delivery at a bigger hospital with a level 2 NICU. Not saying that's going to happen to you...but to give you some perspective on Him listening to our prayers and knowing our needs.
I know it is VERY scary to say the least. I think you are doing the right thing by putting it in Heavenly Father's hands. Remember, He doesn't give us anything we can't handle. You and your baby are in my prayers.

[Nicole]

I had to have a cerclage during my pregnancy a year ago. I found out mine was too short at week 18 and I was having twins. I was scared but had it done and everything was fine. I delivered at 33 weeks- for twins thats not bad. You will do great.

[Laura K]

I am praying for you and the little one inside...And I know you are being held by the One who controls it all!!!

[ali]

After you lay this at His feet, the hard part will be to not keep picking it back up again. That's where faith and trust come in.

You can do this, no matter what happens, because He is with you. Let Him carry you through.

I am definitely praying for you. I've already had a couple concerns with my current pregnancy, I know how hard it can be to push away the fears and the anxieties, but "there is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God"...

[Abril Molina]

I recently found your other blog and I love it. I'll keep you in my prayers for a healthy pregnancy and an easy delivery.
God bless you and your baby!

[Amy's blah, blah, blog]

Praying for you Amanda. I was just thinking what a good thing it has been that you have been sick, oddly enough, because it has kept you off of your feet and not going as much as usual. It sounds like that is a bonus in this situation. See, God's got the details. :)

[Melanie]

I will be praying for you and your baby Amanda. I too believe in the power of prayer!!!