I'm Hungry

Did you know that a few weeks ago I completed a 68 hour fast?

It was life changing.  I dont say that lightly.

I am totally addicted to food, to eating, to thinking about eating, to loving to eat anything and everything around me.

I love to mindlessly eat... lounging in front of the TV or computer.

I know that I have made food an idol.  Its gotten pretty out of hand.  And its also gotten to be a pretty vicious cycle.  I eat, and eat, and then I feel frustrated and guilty and defeated.

So I tried this fast with one stipulation.  I couldn't make it about food. 

I know that sounds weird, but I wanted to get my head right with God. I knew that body stuff would come later. 

When I started it I didn't know how long it would last, I didn't know what I was cutting out, I didn't know what I was doing it all.

But I knew that I wanted to accomplish one thing...every time that I had a craving or was mentally motivated to eat, I wanted to fill myself with the Word.

And I did.

There were only a few times I was actually hungry.. for the most part it was all a mental game. 

I ate nothing but water and coffee. (which is really not smart, do NOT go on a coffee fast... coffee is a natural intestinal stimulant... and I think I will leave it at that!)

I pretty much carried my Bible everywhere.  Mostly, it was laid out before me... scribbled on and crinkled. (I read it in the sauna once.  I don't recommend that either.) 

I wanted to see it through though... I wanted to get a glimpse of God, of His will in my life, of who I was supposed to be, of what I was supposed to be doing.. where I was supposed to be investing my time.

That fast was the catalyst in me making many changes, one of them blogging.  I was putting my blog (blogging as a whole) first... before Bible time, play time, quality time with family.

It sounds so stupid to say that... its just a blog right?  Its just words and pictures and updates.  

But I felt like it was so much more!  I felt like I had an obligation to my online friends and that if I didnt  keep up I was a quitter and a failure!

What I am finding is that everyone is a little (if not a lot) overwhelmed by blogging.  My friends and readers welcomed the break from reading 'i am mommy' multiple times a week and feeling obligated to comment.

Well, when my sixty-eight hours was up and I started eating again (what would you eat first after waiting three days??) I didn't feel that different.    

I didn't feel any more spiritually enlightened.

Not for a few days anyway.

But since I completed that fast, every single life situation has been viewed differently.  Instead of me reacting as I normally would, I now have a whisper of God's Word on my heart, and I am able to recall it and meditate on it.  

For a month now whenever I am discussing something with friends or family I have been saying, "Oh yeah!  When I was fasting I read that, or I learned that, or I discovered that...."

(hope thats not too annoying yet guys.)

Another amazing side effect was how it impacted my prayers for others.  I would come across a verse and feel compelled to send it to them... or mediate on certain Scripture and feel like I was supposed to pray for someone specifically in that moment.

Even though I fasted for me, I was totally able to fully realize how much I needed to re-focus prayer time and be praying a little less for myself.

I started a fast again today... just for one day... because right now I want to lean more heavily on Him.  

I am learning that for me, fasting not only has immediate rewards, but continuous and long term rewards as well.

And I just love that I can feel closer to the Almighty.  His security and comfort is unequaled on this earth.

Oh yeah... and its helping me gain a healthier perspective on eating too.

And want to know what the first thing I ate was??

Was it sweet?

Maybe savory?

Yes.

Spaghetti.  And a cupcake.  It was awesome.

Comments

[Becky Hays]

You are truely inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

[Lisa Anne]

I thihk if you read Eat Pray Love you might find what you are looking for, rather than fasting. I'm not so much into God, except for the desperate pray that comes in the most desperate of situations. I'm only 60 pages into the book and I feel closer to God then ever and it doesn't even feel that spiratual of a book yet. I heard it changes your life, reading the book. I belive it too. I can slowly feel myself changing yet I can't explain why or how as nothing I am doing is different. I feel like I'm wearing special goggles and everything just appears clearer, a better appreciation for the little things. Like diet coke.

[tammy]

WOW Amanda!! I have tried to fast before for 24 hours and all I thought about was food. But I agree with your concept of putting God 1st. Good for you,i'm always in need of a reminder of who to put 1st in my life. Jesus Christ!!!!

[libby]

thank you for sharing this with us! you really are an inspiration Amanda and definitely a light for Christ! It is so true that blogging can become our "idol." I sadly admit I have been guilty of it. Thanks for a great reminder!

[The Lumberjack's Wife]

I loved this and I have the same way about blogging. I love it, but find parts of it so exhausting. Thank you for sharing. I am currently doing a 12 hour fast for some blood work and I cannot wait to eat and get me some coffee!!!! I am a weakling. :)

[He & Me + 3]

What an awesome post friend. I wish we lived closer because I so would have joined you in the fast. What a great way to get closer to the savior.
Hugs,
MImi

[Michelle Hankins]

"Your words were found and I ate them,
And Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart;
For I have been called by Your name,
O LORD God of hosts."
Jeremiah 15:16

Encouraging Amanda! thanks for sharing - obviously fasting matters or else Jesus himself would not have done it!

[Kristin Kunoff]

I totally know exactly where you are coming from! In Feb. I felt the same thing...spending too much time blogging and thinking about food and thinking about how to blog about the food I was making. Food became an idol to me. Since then I have attempted to put food behind God instead of in front of him. I stopped blogging myself, stopped reading other blogs that had to do with food(the list of my food blogs is long), stopped watching the food network, and stopped baking for the most part.

I have slowly started incorporating baking and blogging bake into my life. But I am constantly struggling to balance God, my love for food, and my health. Hence, the paper I am writing for school of which I have asked you to answer some questions.( I will email you the questions by Monday)

Anyways, just wanted to send some encouragement your way. YOur blog has been an encouragement to me!

[Karen@SurvivingMotherhood]

I hear you, sister, on so many fronts.
Putting God first. Yes. That's where it's at!
Because if we thought about HIM and HIS desires as much as we think about other 'stuff'? Wow! How different our lives would be.

Love you,
Karen

[ElizaBeth]

AMEN!

[Amy]

Good for you! Our pastor did a whole series a couple of years ago about the importance of fasting - if you really read the Bible, you'll find that it's most of the time implied that you WILL fast, just like you will pray, but we so often look at it as something only to do in special times! I was so convicted by his sermons! Now if only I wasn't always pregnant or breastfeeding, I might actually get to do it again :)

[Dana-from chaos to Grace]

We've done corporate fasts for church before, and my husband can do them alright. I however, fail miserably EVERY TIME. I think it has something to do with NOT being able to leave the house when it's meal time. I have kids that enjoy eating lunch and dinner. Pbptt!

I am PROUD of you for this accomplishment! That is HUGE!!

[CM]

Good for you. I've tried fasting but I always wimp out (not to mention I've either been pregnant or nursing in the past.)

This is such a good reminder to take time in the Word. I find it convicting that you found time to do this being such a busy mom.

[Seraphim]

This was very interesting to read. I think I may get my Bible out and leave it by my bedside. I'm not sure about the fasting for me just because I am training right now, but I know my meditation and time with God comes when I am running. I think I'll select some verses and reflect on them as I pound the pavement. Like you, I feel like that about blogging sometimes too.

[discount coach]

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes.

[tracie]

I am impressed...and happy for you that you are mentally where you want to be again. But. Just be careful with the fasting, though, it scares me that you did it that long. Please take care of yourself!!

Love that you are blogging in your old style again...but I already told you that.

[Cheryl]

Thanks for that reminder for myself Amanda. Miss you girlfriend! Enjoy your summer!

[Ruth]

That was great! Deeper, Lord, deeper....

[kathy]

Well, I think it has something to do with NOT being able to leave the house when it's meal time.

[bridget {bake at 350}]

Beautiful, Amanda. I really like this post.

And I like that you had spaghetti and a cupcake when your fast was over. You are my kind of girl.

[Anne]

Great post. You captured so well the essence of what happens when we fast. We draw closer to God. I needed this reminder that fasting is not an optional part of being a Christian and living the life I want for Christ but an essential part of obtaining all that God has destined for us.

[Paula]

I am happy for you that your spiritual journey is bringing you closer to God and that through your fast you have found yourself to be more open to his Word. Interesting that through this exercise you began praying more for others than yourself.

*We are rich only through what we give and we are poor only through what we keep* Og Mandino

Continued blessings along your journey Amanda.

[carma]

were you still baking during this fast; because all I know is I'd be loading up on cookie dough on the sly ;-) Sometimes I have horrible eating habits, which is why I was hoping that Oprah book would be enlightening. Uh, no....

Hope you are doing well my friend!! P.S. Love those Twitter cookies. You are a fountain of creativity.

[Lindsay]

I'm so impressed by your "stick-to-it-ness!" Being able to fast for THAT long is definitely with help from Him, no doubt.

Spaghetti - LOL!

[Cindy]

Well, I feel like I'm wearing special goggles and everything just appears clearer, a better appreciation for the little things. Like diet coke. thanx for the post.

[Jessica @ Jessiker Bakes]

Thanks for sharing and being so open :). I love God so much too and when I went to camp for a week (I'm a counsellor at a Christian Camp here in Jamaica), that was my "fast" from blogging. It almost killed me the first two days since I purposely left my laptop at home. But after a while I was really happy for the break and to connect with God once again.

[Jessica @ Jessiker Bakes]

Thanks for sharing and being so open :). I love God so much too and when I went to camp for a week (I'm a counsellor at a Christian Camp here in Jamaica), that was my "fast" from blogging. It almost killed me the first two days since I purposely left my laptop at home. But after a while I was really happy for the break and to connect with God once again.

[Eco Stuffs]

So Pure N Neat Plate ....

[Jessica]

Holy cow! I am not sure if I could do that...actually, I think I could, I just don't want to. I love eating too much.

[janmary, n ireland]

I have noticed the change in you through your blog - even though you are thousands of miles away.

May God continue to bless you, your family and your bloggy family too :)

cupcakes - I get! spaghetti? - not so sure!!

[ali @ an ordinary mom]

Isn't the Lord amazing? He can take something you started to work on you, and work on you by opening your eyes to thinking more of, and praying more for, others...

God is so good, He's so good indeed!

[Amy]

wow wow wow! thank you. simply beautiful. what you've shared has really made me think about the need i have also to be back in the Word. I LONG to have HIS words whispering in my ears. Thank you again dear sister.

[aline]

well done you for completing the fast - it is amazing how focussed we can be when we are not distracted by food.

[Jan@Little Glimpse]

Way to go Amanda...I have yet to do a fast from food, but sometimes fasts can be from other things too. I would have a hard time preparing meals for my family and not being able to eat myself. Were you away while you did the fast?

I too am finding it ultra hard to blog this summer. Kids home and around all the time make me feel like I shouldn't be sitting at the computer. Which I shouldn't. I should be enjoying them while I can!

[Jessica]

Wow! Thanks for sharing- what a great experience. I love how God uses so many different ways to get our attention!
Jessica

[Chef Dennis]

anything that makes you stronger and helps build your faith....is a good thing.
I am so grateful for everything I have, and that I am able to do.....I know each breath I take is a gift.
thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us

[Genny]

Wow, Amanda. Good for you. Such wonderful insights. You are an inspiration and this reminder to keep our hearts/heads in the right place is beautiful. Hugs!

[Mary]

That is wonderful of you to share this with us!

[Ana]

In my mind, fasting is inextricably tied to prayer and the scriptures. I can't quite wrap my head around doing it for merely physical reasons. I think you are very amazing to have done this and I'm glad you were able to draw closer to our Heavenly Father. This was a lovely reminder to me and I thank you for sharing this very personal experience with us. (I wish I could follow your example, but that'll have to wait until after the baby comes...and nursing stops.)
Ana

[Ana]

...And that picture of those chubby little hands folded in prayer is perfect. One of the most beautiful and fulfilling sights is that of your children learning to pray, hands clasped awkwardly, words barely understandable, and with love and humility so apparent.
Ana

[Rebecca]

I had a similar fasting experience and can really relate. Just found your blog, and love it!

[Alexia]

Oh wow. The few times I've fasted, I've focused more on what I was giving up than what I was supposed to be filling that void with. Needless to say, nothing changed. It seems rather obvious to turn to the Word every time hunger strikes, but I certainly don't do that. Thank you so much for sharing, I think this may change my life!

[Ramona]

I am fasting today - and was about to give up because i was really hungry but your words inspired me to keep it up.. God is good and he gave up so much for us - can't i sacrifice some hours for him? the answer is yes I can and i will.. and everytime i am hungry im going to pull out my Bible & read a verse... He will give me the stregth to fast. Thank you all for your kind words and motivation !

[Sally]

It was so very interesting to read your thoughts about your blogging. I was in the same boat on the other side of the sea. I don't blog, but I am a follower. Recently, I had added a BUNCH of blogs to my YAHOO page & read them daily -- like the morning newspaper. But...it got to the point where I was constantly checking them to see if anyone had posted anything new -- and it got out of control. I decided to delete most of them, and now just "catch up" w/ people here and there on fb or twitter. If I miss a contest - oh well. Thankful that I got it under control before I went on too long that way. Thanks for your honesty in posting your feelings.